Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Dear DMV,

Well, I received your letter and frankly, I'm appalled. You have chosen to suspend my driver's license due to a fix it ticket I received and forgot about back in August. For shame DMV!
Yes, I know this stems back to being my fault, and I accept the responsibility, but you wanna know my problem? This letter has just been sent to me NOW. You send the letter saying 'Oh by the way your license has been suspended since Jan. 23, 2010' NOW. It even says at the top of the letter 'Feb. 5, 2010'. Ummmm hello? Who the fuck was going to explain this shit to me? A police officer taking me in his vehicle while impounding my car? I sure fucking hope not, because he would have been dealing with a crying angry cuban mess of a girl and NOBODY deserves that. NOBODY. Unless of course you put your dick in a cuban girl, then you are a free target for a crying angry cuban mess of a girl at anytime. Did you put your dick in me DMV? Not literally. But you are still getting this girl because I definitely feel like I've been fucked. Did you see that play on words? DID YOU, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!?

Let's get to the real shit, THE REAL SHIT! This state is broke, that's the only way that I can fathom why on God's great earth a $25 fix it ticket has now skyrocketed to a whopping $1004 that has become only payable through the DMV's right hand collection agency. Fair enough DMV, shoot my ticket that high, you don't fucking scare me, oh but wait... what? I can make payments but I can't have my license back until the amount is paid in full?


That is grade A bologna, DMV. If I'm making payments, don't I deserve my license? I understand that a driver's license is a big thing to hold above someone's head which further inclines them to quickly pay a ticket, but you also don't seem to understand that a driver's license is a necessity in a lot of people's lives. Mine included. Half of the things I do for my job involve DRIVING.

Oh no, what's going on now DMV? You won't even spit in my asshole before you fuck me now? You are saying I need to go to you and apply to get a state ID and I can't just keep my driver's license for idenification? That's bullshit. Oh but how sweet, you even gave me a form and an envelope to send my license to you in. THAT I HAVE TO PAY THE STAMP ON. I mean, such a small thing, but definitely a cherry on top of this shit cupcake that you have frosted with your figurative DMV semen and piss.

Okay so I go to the DMV today lets say, and I apply for an ID, great, there's three weeks of my life I have to wait before I have any proof of who I am. Will this affect the trip I'm making to Denver for my lovely cousin's birthday at the end of the month? It better fucking not. I'm keeping my license until I get your shitty waste of plastic that you'll dub 'Cassandra Joyce Cardenes' Identification Card' because I'm not letting you ruin my whole life.

How do I tell my boss about this DMV? My mother has already cut me out of the will because of this. That's not entirely true, but if it was, would you feel bad? Would you shed a tear from me you heartless fucking robot government agency!?

Nobody likes you DMV, NOBODY. You're lines are long, you smell like stale body oder and farts, your workers are unhappy people, you overprice your citations, and you have a magical spell in the air that makes even the prettiest people look like gremlins in their pictures.

Seriously DMV, eat shit. I'll pay your fucking ticket as fast as I can and I won't drive until I get my license back and break the law. Why? Because I fucking have no choice. That might be the worst part of it all. No matter what, I have no choice. Because regardless of when you notified me about all this and regardless of how insanely overpriced it is, and regardless of the huge horse dick that resides inside your asshole, it all comes back to me forgetting to pay a fix it ticket. Even if I went in and accused you of not reminding me and that my first reminder shouldn't be you guys taking my license away 6 months later, it doesn't matter because that's only my opinion. You people at the DMV run it the way you want to. How do you sleep at night?

If I was sure I wouldn't get in trouble, I'd send you a picture of a dirty asshole along with my driver's license. Luckily for you, I'm not sure I wouldn't get in trouble and you aren't worth the trouble of searching for dirty asshole pics on the internet. You aren't worth shit.

Forever Yours,
Cassandra 'Your Bitch Now' Cardenes

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It wouldn't shock me in the slightest to find out he was goose stepping in this picture.

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